My Mom Tried to Buy Me Porn for Christmas
Photo by D Sharon Pruitt As a writer, I know the difference one single letter can make. Maya, a dear friend and publisher, once printed a thousand copies of a book in which “taping” was accidentally typed “raping.” That, my friends, is why I read my work out loud before I run it, as often as possible. … Read more
Naïveté at the Nativity – Revisited
This is one of my favorite holiday posts, because it demonstrates so perfectly the dynamics of my family. In fact, it may just become an annual post. Enjoy, and please feel free to share your holiday program mishaps… You know, so I don’t feel so dysfunctional and whatnot. My kids make up eighty percent of … Read more
Running on Empty
“I left you enough to get to the gas station.” Is yours a two-car family? Do you, like me, have a spouse who runs one car nearly out of gas, then takes the other vehicle with the full tank, leaving you stranded? I’m just asking. Mr. Wright considers himself thrifty when it comes to paying … Read more
Dude, Where’s My Zucchini?
If you leave your car unlocked, with the keys in the ignition, do the police still say it’s a crime if someone takes it? Here’s the deal: The police say you’re stupid for leaving your keys in your unlocked car, but they do not say you’re not the victim of a crime. How do I … Read more
“My Dog Ate It” and Other Weird Explanations
I made the earth-friendly choice, and qualified for a full-body search. As you might imagine, seven kids, two adults, three dogs and two cats generate a lot of trips to the grocery store. In an effort to make my appointment to our city’s sustainability steering committee a slightly less laughable matter, I’ve been trying to … Read more
Someday, I Won’t Be Here To…
Dear Mr. Wright and kids: In the event of my untimely demise or incapacitation, I am leaving the following list of instructions. Put them in a safe place – you’ll need them. 1. The toilet paper roll is held in place by a spindle. When one roll is empty, you may replace it with a … Read more
A Little Privacy, Please!
The Gonzos have recently moved into a bigger home. With the exception of the additional space, my favorite feature is the locks on the bathroom doors. Confession: I haven’t gone to the bathroom or taken a shower without someone coming in for at least ten years. While I grew up with just one sibling in … Read more
Somebody is Always Broken or Bleeding
Last night I cut my finger while slicing a loaf of bread. It’s not an unusual event. In fact, I fillet myself quite frequently. If Mr. Wright had his way, my kitchen tools would be pared down to rolling pins and spoons, though I frequently manage to find a way to injure myself with those, … Read more
All the Wright Moves
The homeschooling next-door neighbors with six kids and the homeschooling family across the street with six kids laid hands on the huge trailer attached to our Suburban. They prayed for our safety, and thanked the Lord that we were leaving. Our northern Snohomish County community was nice enough, but we really were the freaks of … Read more
4AM in Tokyo
Our sleep routine is all fouled up. We arrived at our Tokyo hotel early in the evening, took showers, made some "instant" peanut sesame noodles in the teapot and planned to find a place to have a drink. Instead, we fell dead asleep, wet hair and all. We both woke up at 4am, thirsty. I … Read more
More Evidence for My Insanity Plea: Premonitions
Look, I’m not saying I’m clairvoyant or anything. What I am saying is that sometimes I have dreams, and they come true. My grandmother was known to read tea leaves and, by all accounts, was quite accurate. Most of the time, I don’t actually remember the particulars of a “seeing” dream until I’m in the … Read more
Forecast Calls for Snow: Goodbye, Lovey
It’s not unusual for a child to have a treasured blanket or stuffed animal, and three-year-old Snugglebug is no exception. Her “lovey” of choice is a small round pillow, decorated like a soccer ball, left behind when Princess went to college. It’s filled with tiny micro-beads and makes a beautiful “SWOOSH” sound when it moves. … Read more
Is it Really a New Year? ‘Cause I’ve Been Here Before…
Some of the players: Sunshine, The Gonzo Mama, Mr. Wright and Lulu In college, I relished nothing more than heading out for a night of “whatever,” and seeing where the universe led me. That, my friends, was years and years ago. These days, I like to have a plan, and I had one for New … Read more
Naïveté at the Nativity
My kids make up eighty percent of the children and youth in our church, so there’s little question that they will be cast in the Christmas production each year. The competition for roles is—what’s the word I’m looking for? Oh, yes… “nonexistent.” In fact, it’s not unusual for a single child to play two or … Read more
Everything I Need to Know About Motherhood I Learned from Animal House
Raising kids is like living in a frat house. There are too many all-nighters, there’s never enough coffee or Top Ramen, the toilets are never clean, it’s no surprise if someone is puking, and you never know who is going to be in your bed when you wake up. I find myself falling back on … Read more
Is This an Intervention?
I had twenty-five days in which to apply for a forty-five day special occasion permit from the Washington State Liquor Control Board. No problem. Two days before the Motherhood: From Egg to Zine (and everything in between) event, I didn’t have a bartender. The morning of the event, I still didn’t know if one of … Read more
And… More Hate Mail!
When it rains, it pours. I called Pepper downstairs, where I was working, to do an errand for me. I could tell she’d been crying. I asked her what was wrong. “My mom said she’s not going to see us for the month of July,” she squeaked. “Of course she is!” I exclaimed. “Why do … Read more
Bad Gratitude Monday
This weekend has been tough. I mean, really, really tough. Especially tough is trying to emotionally deal with a child leaving home… and failing miserably. I’m not ready for Princess to leave, but she is going to, nonetheless, in just under three weeks. I’m sure I’ll post more on that later. Today, however, I am … Read more
