The Curse of the Mothers
(Yeah, that’s me. That photo was taken in May of my senior year of high school. What a hottie, huh?) When I was about sixteen years old, my mother expressed her earnest desire that, someday, I would have a daughter just like me. I wish I could say that her statement was a well-wishing of … Read more
ACORN’s Roasting on an Open Fire
Note: This is piece is for my newspaper column, which will run in the Lake Chelan Mirror this week. I typically hold my column until a week after it’s published before I post it here, but because of the time-sensitive nature of the topic, I’m posting it on TheGonzoMama.com before it’s actually published. As if … Read more
Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Better Than a Deadbeat Mom
Maybe there are some deadbeat moms out there that I just can’t compete with. I haven’t met them all. For purposes of this list, I suppose I’ll just compare myself to one. Let’s call her… oh, I don’t know… Satan? That seems a natural enough fit. That photo isn’t her, by the way. Satan wasn’t … Read more
Dear Mr. Wright…
Someday, after I get around to having that flap of stretched-out skin (You know, the one that hides my rock-hard abs?) surgically removed, you may wake up and realize that you are the father of an insane number of children, and that I am not as young as I was when we met. I’ll understand … Read more
Ignorance is Dangerous. So is Standing Up Against It.
This is the second post in a row that I’ve started with a disclaimer. That seriously has to stop. Nonetheless, here we go. I’m going to post some photos in here that might be disturbing to some. If you don’t think you can handle the image of a man’s face that appears to have another … Read more
…And You Know Who You Are
I apologize in advance for my use of the f-bomb (the one used in homophobic language). Dear readers, for whom I have always tried to keep things at least PG-13, I am talking to you. Circumstances leave me no choice. If you anticipate being offended, please stop reading. Are you still here? Okay. You’ve proceeded … Read more
And… More Hate Mail!
When it rains, it pours. I called Pepper downstairs, where I was working, to do an errand for me. I could tell she’d been crying. I asked her what was wrong. “My mom said she’s not going to see us for the month of July,” she squeaked. “Of course she is!” I exclaimed. “Why do … Read more
A Crash Course in Satire and Why Sterilization Doesn’t Work
Someone named Judy Brezina of Carlton, Washington thinks I have no business calling myself a writer. She said as much in her May 14, 2009 letter to the editor of the Lake Chelan Mirror. I have more than enough publishing credits to claim otherwise, but to each her own opinion. Speaking of which, a Google … Read more
That’s My Boy! (Got the Tattoo to Prove It)
24-year-old father Eugene Ashley knows his three-year-old son is a daddy’s boy. In fact, Eugene is so sure of it that he tattooed the letters “DB” (for “Daddy’s Boy”) on the little guy’s shoulder. Let me get this straight: Baby Boy Ashley is now going to grow up with a “Daddy’s Boy” tattoo on his … Read more
