You Know You’re a Great Role Model When…
I’ve been trying to get across to the members of my family that Curlytop and Snugglebug are like over-sized camcorders these days. Anything we say or do is likely to be played back for us by one of our little cinematographers – most likely at the most humiliating or improper moment. So far, this has … Read more
Naïveté at the Nativity – Revisited
This is one of my favorite holiday posts, because it demonstrates so perfectly the dynamics of my family. In fact, it may just become an annual post. Enjoy, and please feel free to share your holiday program mishaps… You know, so I don’t feel so dysfunctional and whatnot. My kids make up eighty percent of … Read more
I Just Wrote About My Sex Life for a Sex Toy Site. I’m Sorry, Mom.
I think I’m taking embarrassing my parents to a whole new level. In fact, if it ever becomes an Olympic sport, I’m a shoo-in. Can’t you just see it? Anyway, I wrote about Christian sex, and how it’s not boring and is, in fact, quite the opposite for married couples with a sense of adventure. … Read more
Photos from Chelan with Corbin Lewars
My first book signing was fabulously fun and was made even more delicious by the presence of my super-talented and hot mama pal, Corbin Lewars. Check us out! Thank you, LakeChelanOnlineNews, for the awesome photo! Thanks again, Riverwalk Books, for hosting us! (Riverwalk still has a few signed copies of our books in stock, so don’t … Read more
Get the "F" Outta Here!
That’s right… You know what word I’m talking about. It’s that four-letter word that makes you feel dirty; makes you feel like running and hiding, lest anyone see how uncomfortable it makes you. C’mon, now, spell it with me… F – E – A – R! Confession: I am terrified to read in public. I … Read more
There’s a Reason Agents Get 15 Percent
So, you’ve written a book. Congratulations! That’s the easy part. Now, get ready to find an agent. I like to think there are three primary methods of securing an agent: The Set-Up. You know someone who knows someone who met someone who had the business card of an agent. Or, you are fortunate enough to … Read more
Growth Forces Sale, Make an Offer!
For sale: 2 cubic feet of cellulite. Expansion forces sacrifice of this sizable collection. I’m willing to entertain all serious offers, but must confess I’ve become quite attached. Might make good insulation for custom building project or filling for overstuffed chair? Lovely cottage-cheese texture may make acceptable substitute for popcorn ceiling. No phone calls, please – … Read more
Perhaps We’ve Been Married Too Long
A few days ago, I found myself with some extra time. Instead of contemplating the rose garden I never intend to plant, outlining my next novel, or polishing my shoes, I decided to take a shower. That’s right – it was before bedtime for the toddlers, and I managed to steal away into the shower. … Read more
Ugly American: The Gonzo Mama in Japan
A light dusting of snow covered us as we made the five-minute walk from Tokyo Station to our hotel. At the entrance, I stooped down to put something in the small trash bin near the door. The debris fell out of my hand and I crouched low, picking it up. I didn’t crouch alone. The … Read more
4AM in Tokyo
Our sleep routine is all fouled up. We arrived at our Tokyo hotel early in the evening, took showers, made some "instant" peanut sesame noodles in the teapot and planned to find a place to have a drink. Instead, we fell dead asleep, wet hair and all. We both woke up at 4am, thirsty. I … Read more
Like I Said… Fame and Fortune
Maybe you thought I was exaggerating a wee bit when I said I was on the road to fame and fortune. O, ye of little faith! I’ve recently been published in Hip Mama #45. In fact, if you look closely, you’ll see I made the cover (“Child Rearing Lessons from the Frat House”)! Since Hip … Read more
Shave and a Haircut…
… two bits TOO BAD. There I am, in all my makeup-free, split-end glory. I’m very aware of the fact that I need to get it cut before we go to Japan next month, but I’m sort of stalling. For no good reason, in fact. It’s not that I don’t want my hair cut. It’s … Read more
Table for One, Please…
Remember when I urged all of you mamas to break into spontaneous conversation about parenthood with any fellow mama you might bump into? I did that today. With Mr. Wright out of town and the kidlings safely deposited in institutions of glorious education, I slipped into a new-ish Pan Asian restaurant for lunch. Alone. I … Read more
Is it Really a New Year? ‘Cause I’ve Been Here Before…
Some of the players: Sunshine, The Gonzo Mama, Mr. Wright and Lulu In college, I relished nothing more than heading out for a night of “whatever,” and seeing where the universe led me. That, my friends, was years and years ago. These days, I like to have a plan, and I had one for New … Read more
Naïveté at the Nativity
My kids make up eighty percent of the children and youth in our church, so there’s little question that they will be cast in the Christmas production each year. The competition for roles is—what’s the word I’m looking for? Oh, yes… “nonexistent.” In fact, it’s not unusual for a single child to play two or … Read more
I Can’t Take Her Anywhere: Guest Post by Mr. Wright
What’s it like, living with a troublemaker like The Gonzo Mama? Why not ask my guest blogger, Mr. Wright? I can’t take her anywhere. If there is one thing I can say about The Gonzo Mama, it is that I cannot take her anywhere, at least without her causing a scene of epic proportions. I … Read more
ACORN’s Roasting on an Open Fire
Note: This is piece is for my newspaper column, which will run in the Lake Chelan Mirror this week. I typically hold my column until a week after it’s published before I post it here, but because of the time-sensitive nature of the topic, I’m posting it on TheGonzoMama.com before it’s actually published. As if … Read more
Glenn Beck to Get Key to Mount Vernon, Washington – and the Haters Keep Comin’
Glenn Beck, you’ve just pissed off every liberal in America! What are you going to do next? I’m going to go on home and get myself a key to the city! The mayor of Mount Vernon, Washington (only a hop, skip and a jump from where The Gonzo Mama hides in her bedroom, with all … Read more
Is This an Intervention?
I had twenty-five days in which to apply for a forty-five day special occasion permit from the Washington State Liquor Control Board. No problem. Two days before the Motherhood: From Egg to Zine (and everything in between) event, I didn’t have a bartender. The morning of the event, I still didn’t know if one of … Read more
