You Know You’re a Great Role Model When…
I’ve been trying to get across to the members of my family that Curlytop and Snugglebug are like over-sized camcorders these days. Anything we say or do is likely to be played back for us by one of our little cinematographers – most likely at the most humiliating or improper moment. So far, this has … Read more
A Little Privacy, Please!
The Gonzos have recently moved into a bigger home. With the exception of the additional space, my favorite feature is the locks on the bathroom doors. Confession: I haven’t gone to the bathroom or taken a shower without someone coming in for at least ten years. While I grew up with just one sibling in … Read more
Glenn Beck to Get Key to Mount Vernon, Washington – and the Haters Keep Comin’
Glenn Beck, you’ve just pissed off every liberal in America! What are you going to do next? I’m going to go on home and get myself a key to the city! The mayor of Mount Vernon, Washington (only a hop, skip and a jump from where The Gonzo Mama hides in her bedroom, with all … Read more
Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Better Than a Deadbeat Mom
Maybe there are some deadbeat moms out there that I just can’t compete with. I haven’t met them all. For purposes of this list, I suppose I’ll just compare myself to one. Let’s call her… oh, I don’t know… Satan? That seems a natural enough fit. That photo isn’t her, by the way. Satan wasn’t … Read more
Dear Mr. Wright…
Someday, after I get around to having that flap of stretched-out skin (You know, the one that hides my rock-hard abs?) surgically removed, you may wake up and realize that you are the father of an insane number of children, and that I am not as young as I was when we met. I’ll understand … Read more
…And You Know Who You Are
I apologize in advance for my use of the f-bomb (the one used in homophobic language). Dear readers, for whom I have always tried to keep things at least PG-13, I am talking to you. Circumstances leave me no choice. If you anticipate being offended, please stop reading. Are you still here? Okay. You’ve proceeded … Read more
And… More Hate Mail!
When it rains, it pours. I called Pepper downstairs, where I was working, to do an errand for me. I could tell she’d been crying. I asked her what was wrong. “My mom said she’s not going to see us for the month of July,” she squeaked. “Of course she is!” I exclaimed. “Why do … Read more
A Crash Course in Satire and Why Sterilization Doesn’t Work
Someone named Judy Brezina of Carlton, Washington thinks I have no business calling myself a writer. She said as much in her May 14, 2009 letter to the editor of the Lake Chelan Mirror. I have more than enough publishing credits to claim otherwise, but to each her own opinion. Speaking of which, a Google … Read more
Tread Lightly, Young Man… And Stay Away From My Daughter!
Mr. Wright and I were walking through town today when a local teen boy passed. “Hi, Mr. Wright,” the boy said as we passed. “Why can’t Princess go out with that boy?” I asked. “He’s very polite. Sure, he needs a haircut. He really should pull his pants up, too, but he’s so darned respectful.” … Read more
