ACORN’s Roasting on an Open Fire
Note: This is piece is for my newspaper column, which will run in the Lake Chelan Mirror this week. I typically hold my column until a week after it’s published before I post it here, but because of the time-sensitive nature of the topic, I’m posting it on TheGonzoMama.com before it’s actually published. As if … Read more
…And The Horse You Rode In On!
A Jacksonville, Florida mom on a budget wasn’t prepared to shell out extra bucks for fuel when her daughter’s elementary school implemented a new policy for picking up children. The new rule, put in place due to a busy construction project taking place in front of the school, requires that a school staff person must … Read more
Top 10 Reasons Why I’m Better Than a Deadbeat Mom
Maybe there are some deadbeat moms out there that I just can’t compete with. I haven’t met them all. For purposes of this list, I suppose I’ll just compare myself to one. Let’s call her… oh, I don’t know… Satan? That seems a natural enough fit. That photo isn’t her, by the way. Satan wasn’t … Read more
Don’t Lie for Me, Argentina?
This just in: A politician had an extramarital affair. In other news, scientists have discovered the sky is blue. Infidelity is nothing new. In ancient mythology, the half-god, half-mortal characters of Perseus and Heracles were conceived during Zeus’s affairs, proving that, even then, leaders couldn’t keep it in their pants. In the Bible, King David … Read more
Ignorance is Dangerous. So is Standing Up Against It.
This is the second post in a row that I’ve started with a disclaimer. That seriously has to stop. Nonetheless, here we go. I’m going to post some photos in here that might be disturbing to some. If you don’t think you can handle the image of a man’s face that appears to have another … Read more
…And You Know Who You Are
I apologize in advance for my use of the f-bomb (the one used in homophobic language). Dear readers, for whom I have always tried to keep things at least PG-13, I am talking to you. Circumstances leave me no choice. If you anticipate being offended, please stop reading. Are you still here? Okay. You’ve proceeded … Read more
File This Under "Insanity Defense"
I make no excuses for being a stickler for good and proper use of the English language. I like to think I am pretty tolerant of strangers using words improperly or using “non-words” in what they think is an intelligent way, but hearing those close to me do the same is like driving four-inch nails … Read more
And… More Hate Mail!
When it rains, it pours. I called Pepper downstairs, where I was working, to do an errand for me. I could tell she’d been crying. I asked her what was wrong. “My mom said she’s not going to see us for the month of July,” she squeaked. “Of course she is!” I exclaimed. “Why do … Read more
A Crash Course in Satire and Why Sterilization Doesn’t Work
Someone named Judy Brezina of Carlton, Washington thinks I have no business calling myself a writer. She said as much in her May 14, 2009 letter to the editor of the Lake Chelan Mirror. I have more than enough publishing credits to claim otherwise, but to each her own opinion. Speaking of which, a Google … Read more
I’m Much Too Young to Feel This Damn Old
ALERT: There is absolutely no humor in this post. It’s nothing but a “The Gonzo Mama feeling sorry for herself” post. You’ve been warned. I can’t really say when this feeling began. Perhaps the breaking point was waking up one morning and finding that I’d become the un-expectant mother of seven children at the ripe … Read more
Tread Lightly, Young Man… And Stay Away From My Daughter!
Mr. Wright and I were walking through town today when a local teen boy passed. “Hi, Mr. Wright,” the boy said as we passed. “Why can’t Princess go out with that boy?” I asked. “He’s very polite. Sure, he needs a haircut. He really should pull his pants up, too, but he’s so darned respectful.” … Read more
You’ve Got (Hate) Mail
As I mentioned on Bad Gratitude Monday, The Gonzo Mama received her very first hate mail, cementing her place in the world of real columnists. For those not lucky enough to live in the distribution area of the Lake Chelan Mirror, I’m posting the letter, in all its glory. The letter came from Judy Brezina … Read more
Mommy is NOT a Jungle Gym
Just a note to my two beautiful toddlers: Mommy is not a jungle gym. Oh, sure… Mommy’s body may be solid and rail-thin, but let’s not get her confused with the monkey bars. While I’m at it, I’d like to clear up a few other misunderstandings… To my pre-teen girls: Mommy is not a laundry … Read more
The Gonzo Mama Guest-Blogs at LipstickDaily.com!
I can’t believe they asked me back! Kate and Elaine, mamas extraordinaire, actually allowed me to wax poetic (pun intended) about my ongoing frustration with leg hair removal on their awesome site, LipstickDaily.com. Read all about it, leave a comment, and tell ‘em The Mama sent you! Go read my post, “Stubble Trouble,” then click … Read more
The Dumbing Down of America
For those lucky enough to know The Gonzo Mama in real life, it comes as no surprise when she refuses to vote for a candidate whose campaign literature appears to be crafted by someone who failed to pass middle school English. Routine, too, is the sight of her red-lining a direct mail piece and sending … Read more
